Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
