Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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