Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
