Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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