thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
