It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
