I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize