I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
