He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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