The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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