I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
