Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
