Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
