That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
