I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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