dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Two words: nipple clamps
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