oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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