So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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