I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
