you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
