The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He shit in the fireplace
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
