I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
