I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
