i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
