Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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