I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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