i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
