Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
