saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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