I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
