Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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