Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
