can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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