Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
