im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
