i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
