Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
