Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
