Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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