My hand turned me down
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
