I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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