see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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