My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
