At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
