just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
