How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
