theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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