I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
