I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
