I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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