so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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