if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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