who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize