everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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