After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it's like iHOP with fire
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
