Yo dont text me then not text me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
