Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
