we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
