You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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