You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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