I'd wear matching sweaters with you
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
there is glitter all over my balls
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