so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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