All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Life is so much better after having sex.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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