I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
