She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
