Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
