Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
