What a fucking waste of an outfit
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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