I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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