it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
